My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
