There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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