i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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