I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
