Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
