oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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