You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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