I love black thongs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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