Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
