Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
