I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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