I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
