she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
