lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You are the jesus of drinking
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
