Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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