He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
