does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
