Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
