Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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