I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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