If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
