Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
