David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Actions speak louder than pants.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
