Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
