Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
