why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
