Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
