the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im part way to drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
