Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
