i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
