A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
