Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
