It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
