it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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