walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
