Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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