i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
