her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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