I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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