But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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