You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We have started to decorate penises.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
