apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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