I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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