we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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