so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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