the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
