Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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