Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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