You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
