I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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