so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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