were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
