I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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