is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
