and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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