Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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