Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
