Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
