U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
