I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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