i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
