I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
