Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
