I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
