i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
