He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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