So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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