wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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