she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
