I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize