the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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